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The problem is it all sucks…some things are just worse than others.
Your whole entire life has changed in an instant and it’s hard to wrap your head around that.
1. It’s lonely
It doesn’t matter if you are alone or surrounded by 100 people at a party…it’s always lonely because your person is not with you. There is a part of you missing from everything you do now and that is a very isolating feeling.
2. Filling out paperwork
Medical Forms – The first time you have to check widow on a form is devastating. Worse than that though is when widow isn’t an option and you have to select single. Another big one is the first time you have to fill out my emergency contact information. My first thought was “oh my gosh, I don’t have one” but I ended up adding my mom because our daughter was still a minor.
School Forms – It was like a knife to the heart every time I had to write “deceased” on the line next to father’s name. I also had to fill out forms with the school counselor letting her know what exactly had happened in case they ran into any issues during the school day she could decide how to best handle to situation.
3. Calling him my “late husband”
He isn’t late for anything and he will always be mine. I realize that we are no longer married because we fulfilled our vows but I will always love him. It’s just a frustrating term for me. I don’t think there is a better one so I use it but that doesn’t mean that I like it.
4. Solo parenting
Navigating your own grief while trying to help your child navigate through theirs is emotionally and physically exhausting on top of all of the daily chores of parenting. You just want to focus on your child and love them but life gets in the way because other things have to get done. This brings on feelings of guilt and more loneliness.
5. I missed my one chance to be married for 50 years
This seems silly to me sometimes because I do understand that it’s the quality of the marriage that means the most…not the length of time. We were always so excited though when we talked about how we would be able to tell our grandchildren our love story and how long it lasted. We looked forward to giving them a great example of a healthy, loving marriage.
My husband was an amazing cook! I really miss that. I’ve cooked at home probably 15 times in the past 3 years. I’m good at it…I just don’t enjoy it and him dying taught me not to waste time on things I don’t enjoy…or at least that’s what I tell myself to justify eating out all the time.
What is the worst for you?
This new life is so hard to adjust to.
What is the worst for you? What do you hate?
I love to hear from other widows about how they are coping with all of the adjustments. Unfortunately for all of us, we’ve been there and we understand some things better than others.